Things are so not linear. The inner addict has been subtly angling for alcohol. Just a little. Just this once. (You probably know the drill.) Not two, just one.

Her current suggestion is to buy the beer that’s 2.3% alcohol. (It’s sitting in the liquor store right next to the NA beer. (I think it shouldn’t be.)) And then drink two. I tell her, that’s the same as one drink. It doesn’t matter if the alcohol is diluted — it’s a beer. We grab a pack of NA beer and go home.

Fortunately, this is her only trick at the moment. Continue reading

6-month thoughts on my drinks landscape

It’s been a bit of a weird time lately, drinks-wise.

Selectively missing the afternoon beer binges. First of all, I’ve been just sort of missing the beer of old. In the early days of quitting alcohol, I had these horrific cravings every afternoon. After a few weeks, they stopped. I remember being surprised at how they didn’t fade away, but rather stopped abruptly. Okay, I thought, this is how it goes.

The last couple of weeks, it’s changed — here at 160-ish-plus days, and I’ve got this low-grade nostalgia. Same time of day, mid-afternoon, and I feel myself wishing I could check out in the manner that I used to. (Selectively missing just the first beer and a half. That old addict bullshit of clinging to the good memories and deleting the awful stuff that was only minutes behind.) It’s nothing I can’t decide against, but I find myself resisting its presence, wishing it would go away. And wondering why I’m feeling this now. Continue reading