Why the secrecy?

I’ve been thinking lately about why I am so attached to secrecy with regard both to my drinking and my quitting drinking. I was also highly secretive with some pretty serious binge eating in my early twenties. The answer isn’t obvious. When I try to peer in there, it’s muffled and fuzzy.

The obvious answer is shame. But I don’t really feel shame. To me,

Gluten, dairy, chaotic moods, reaching for alcohol

Four or five years ago I quit gluten, and with it went a great deal of emotional pain I didn’t even know I had. A doctor recommended quitting both gluten and dairy for three months to see if it would help resolve some digestive issues. After four days a veil was lifted. I felt as though I’d popped an anti-depressant. Depression and irritability and anxiety that I was only vaguely aware of — it was seemingly just life and the human experience — dissolved and I felt … blissful. I was resilient. I handled stressors with an even mood. The subtle backdrop of rough, chaotic, unpleasant feelings and overreactions was gone.

Hey there

I’m coming back to these pages. Thanks to you who (according to Google Analytics) continue reading my thoughts from the past year and a half, and thanks to all of you deep in your writing stream — for giving me a place to read and think and participate quietly.

I’m coming back despite the fact that it requires honesty