What’s your favorite squirrelly-behavior-in-retrospect before you quit drinking?

In the couple of years leading up to my walk away from alcohol, one thing that repeatedly pinged my little brain was reading sober bloggers’ reflections on things they watched themselves do that signaled “there’s a problem here!” I apparently thought I was the only one who carefully rotated liquor stores so that the nice young innocent men who sold me my craft beer wouldn’t suspect I had a drinking problem, or carefully thinned or buried the bottles in the recycling bin if anyone might be coming over. I especially liked the pings that made me laugh. Worrying about one’s excessive alcohol consumption can get kind of dark sometimes.

I was reminded of these twice today. First, by Life Without Vodka Rocks in an early-sobriety post in which she describes being at a function with a cash bar with wine and bottled beer — the wine glasses were small and the bartender was being skimpy, and she realized that the drinking-her would have switched to the beer so as to get enough to drink without being seen walking up to the bar too many times. Not sure I ever did exactly that, but I’m so familiar with the counting. (And I did chew out a bartender once for leaving too much foam on my beer. I wanted it UP TO THE TOP DAMNIT.)

The second reminder came out of my own head, where a voice had the brilliant idea to switch my soberversary. The date that I (we?) (I) have, it didn’t like. We (I) should have another drink (tomorrow would be absolutely convenient because I’m going out with one of my “let’s have a beer!” friends (who totally doesn’t care that I drink NA beer)) so that we get a better date, a nicer more harmonious number.

You know, guys, I think the definition of “infinite” is “the number of new reasons your inner addict can find to have just one drink.”

If you’re in a place where you can chuckle at yourself, I invite you: What are some of the things you did or thought before you quit alcohol (or started trying to quit), that seem funny or incredible in retrospect? For the amusement of people comfortable without alcohol and insight for people whose inner addicts are currently still winning the argument.




10 thoughts on “What’s your favorite squirrelly-behavior-in-retrospect before you quit drinking?

  1. I rotated liquor stores, I bought expensive wine (maybe I would savour it more), I hid empty bottles, I filled bottles with water to hide how much I drank, I hid a bottle in my closet, just in case.

    I made a million brunch dates to justify Sunday morning drinking.

    I went to many spin, bootcamp or weight lifting sessions hungover, unwilling to admit I was suffering.

    Life is so simple without all that lying. The truth has set me free.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I have been actively considering a new sobriety date because I hate mine so much. But really of course my addict brain just wants to use “just this once.” I’m so happy I stumbled onto your blog and it reflected my own cunning mind! Also glad I can tell on myself!


    • Wow! I’ve never actually heard anyone else say anything like this till now. I realized after I published the post that I could just change my date. Forward in time, obviously. To make it less arbitrary (but, really, who cares about arbitrary), a person could do something special on that day to make it a date of something. Something easy and wonderful….


  3. Many of the same things here!
    Rotating liquor stores..asking the liquor store clerks how many shots in a little bottle..acting like I didn’t know…hiding bottles all over the house, taking the empties to work to throw away..(go figure that one!)…making hubs go shopping on Sunday so I could convince him to stop for a drink Sunday afternoon (as the liquor stores are closed on Sunday)…showing up to yoga hungover or drunk…pretending I was at yoga when I was really at a bar, then changing into yoga clothes before I went home!
    Hubs figured THAT one out when he said…your’e not even sweaty at all!
    Anne is right, it’s so much better not hiding anymore!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wendy, that is pretty funny about taking the empties to work to “hide” them 🙂 And the Sunday thing is indeed difficult — that’s what state lines are for, eh?

      I wonder if guys do as much squirreling around as me and you other women who’ve chimed in on this.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good question…or do they just drink openly?
        I suspect there is some of both. But women seem to hide more than guys…the whole who wants a drunk wife thingie, or who wants to be a “lush”.


  4. I also took bottles to work to get rid of them. I drank wine from a mug so my kids wouldn’t notice. I would buy a bottle of wine and then three of those minature bottles which added up to another bottle. I would drink those (out of a mug !) before Mr So got home but I would have to open the big bottle and start on that because he would know I’d been drinking and I needed him to think I’d just opened that bottle and had my first glass. I thought I was the only one who did those things !


    • Arg, you’re reminding me of a similar thing — drinking ahead of some event (even just partner coming home) but making sure to be visibly drinking, too, so there’d be an explanation for why I smelled like alcohol. I even thought how I hoped he didn’t know what a few beers smelled like versus just one so that I could “get away with” a few and he wouldn’t know the difference. Who knows if he did or not, I’m just repeatedly grateful that I don’t have to worry about alcohol on my breath now, ever! (I also can relate to the mug of wine, in my case at parties of non-problem-drinker friends…)


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