A stroll through the wine aisle, part II

I’m at day 116 and have both pulled past the constant awkwardness (as though I’ve been holding my body/mind/heart in a funny position for weeks) and, more recently, stopped paying as much attention to the number of days since my last beer. But I do still look over at that number every couple of days. It matters. At the moment it is a very strong deterrent to drinking, because boy do I not want to zap back to single digits. I love my triple digits and hope to stay here for a long, long time.

I am also aware that old habits are dying, and that’s a lovely thing. It will only continue and get better. The memory of going after beer at a certain time of day after I’ve held negativity or stress in my body precisely because it would have an outlet (imperfect outlet that it was) will continue to recede. The habit of letting negativity and stress flow out of my body soon after it arrives gets more clearly etched in. So much of this, for me, is about muscle memory. With the muscle being not only legs walking into a liquor store and hands picking up a six-pack of IPA and pulling out the wallet, but also muscle in the form of thoughts, feelings, and gut (literal and figurative).

Last week I was traveling for work and found myself in the same city where I wrote a very early post in my Attempt #1 to walk away from alcohol. I went back to the grocery store where I walked the wine aisle one morning in January 2015 at 5:30 a.m. with my coffee in hand. On that day my eyes went to the wine bottles with the poetic labels: Pensador, Handcrafted, Storyteller. I pondered the seeming peace and wisdom broadcast by those bottles. (There is a special place in hell for wine marketers.) Ran my eyes over the colorful labels and let the contradiction sit in my mind. Practiced seeing through the charade and reminded myself how very unromantic, unhandcrafted, unpensive, unstoryteller-by-the-campfire I feel when I wake up parched and headached the morning after an evening with a bottles of such magical promise but bullshit, shoot-yourself-in-the-foot reality.

This time I saw a different kind of poetry in the labels, the raw truth-telling kind: Besieged, Bogle, Paranoia, Decoy, Faust, Entwine, Dark Horse, Flip Flop, Ravage, and Sledgehammer.

It matters where we put our attention. The world is big and crowded and varied. Whatever you look for, you’ll find it. If I’m looking for peace, I’ll find that. If I look for cynicism or escape, I’ll find those. If I look for warmth and solitude, I’ll find them. This fact about the world creates chaos and minefields of a million different kinds, but it also creates infinite opportunity for health and evolution — personal and, well, cosmic.

Here’s to 116 days out from my formerly favorite decoy, favorite form of ravage, best sledgehammer to the head a girl could ask for.

Thanks for stopping by. Blessings to you wherever you are on your journey.

Adrian

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “A stroll through the wine aisle, part II

  1. I love your words here, Adrian!
    It does matter where I put my attention in this big, messy, world.
    I am going to remember this.
    I’ve been numbing out with computer games, and they have been getting a lot of my attention.
    (Although hubs gets a kiss now and then.)
    Happy 116 plus days!!
    Many, many, more to come!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Like

    • Glad hubs gets attention in and amongst your computer games obsession 🙂 I suspect that insights into the power of directing our attention are infinite once we start down that path. (And it’s a very different path these days with computers and internet that it ever was in the past.) Thanks for your support …!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s