Well, hi. I’ve been wanting to poke my head up here but, you know, there’s not much to say. It’s February, unseasonably snowy and cold, my workshop-in-process is just COLD, despite the solar air collectors (ceiling insulation would help). But a lime glowing green light shines inside me and life is good.
I’m mucking around in my eighth month of being sober. Yesterday I realized that even though my state of walking away from alcohol and staying walked away feels normal now (though I’m still preoccupied by it multiple times per day), the flat/regular/normality of it is anything but flat (in a good way) and normal. This normal state is actually itself a product of a miracle. It has within it great richness and strain and learning and frustration and questions and beauty. I’m not saying this very well. But I want to remind myself more that today’s fairly easy, business as usual, not-drinking life is actually a miracle, a gem, a sparkling achievement of monstrous proportions. The longer I go without alcohol but WITH thoughts of it and processing and making deliberate effort to steer clear, the more unmistakable it is that I had a problem. I was a relatively low-quantity drinker. I’m saying this because it can be really hard in this society to embrace the idea that one has an alcohol problem if one’s not drinking a bottle of wine per night. Hell, one can have a drinking problem with a single glass of wine a night, depending on the relationship between the human being and those ounces of alcohol. I try to keep an image in my head of a large monstrous bitter destructive face on a couple of ounces of ethanol. Smallish quantities with enormous destruction of me. Lack of smallish quantities, miracle — day after day.
So here’s a cool little thing in case it resonates with you, a free webinar with the amazing Holly Whitaker of Hip Sobriety and The Temper on reframing sobriety: https://www.thehipsobrietyproject.com/10-principles. Tonight, Feb. 19, 8:00 Eastern time (US).
Blessings on your journey. Happy February.