February light. Day 255.

Well, hi. I’ve been wanting to poke my head up here but, you know, there’s not much to say. It’s February, unseasonably snowy and cold, my workshop-in-process is just COLD, despite the solar air collectors (ceiling insulation would help). But a lime glowing green light shines inside me and life is good.

I’m mucking around in my eighth month of being sober. Yesterday I realized that even though my state of walking away from alcohol and staying walked away feels normal now (though I’m still preoccupied by it multiple times per day), the flat/regular/normality of it is anything but flat (in a good way) and normal. This normal state is actually itself a product of a miracle. It has within it great richness and strain and learning and frustration and questions and beauty. I’m not saying this very well. But I want to remind myself more that today’s fairly easy, business as usual, not-drinking life is actually a miracle, a gem, a sparkling achievement of monstrous proportions. The longer I go without alcohol but WITH thoughts of it and processing and making deliberate effort to steer clear, the more unmistakable it is that I had a problem. I was a relatively low-quantity drinker. I’m saying this because it can be really hard in this society to embrace the idea that one has an alcohol problem if one’s not drinking a bottle of wine per night. Hell, one can have a drinking problem with a single glass of wine a night, depending on the relationship between the human being and those ounces of alcohol. I try to keep an image in my head of a large monstrous bitter destructive face on a couple of ounces of ethanol. Smallish quantities with enormous destruction of me. Lack of smallish quantities, miracle — day after day.

So here’s a cool little thing in case it resonates with you, a free webinar with the amazing Holly Whitaker of Hip Sobriety and The Temper on reframing sobriety: https://www.thehipsobrietyproject.com/10-principles. Tonight, Feb. 19, 8:00 Eastern time (US).

Blessings on your journey. Happy February.

Adrian

 

 

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